”True, unconditional and genuine love is the authentic equivalent of freedom”
Love is merely madness as William Shakespeare wrote. Love is the powerful release of endomorphisms in our brains. The nervous gut feeling we experience when we are about to meet our loved one, the butterfly reaction we get when we think of our dear. It is the most powerful drug in the world and the most addicting as well because it gets you high from the moment you wake up until the moment you fall asleep. Falling in love is one of the greatest things that can happen in our lifetime. It’s also one of the most painful.
Anyone who has ever fallen in love or has being in a loving relationship knows how hard and difficult it can be at times. People differ, they fight, they cheat, their intercourses become stale, slowly losing their interest and their will to fight for the relationship. People fall in and out of love a lot. That’s human nature. Everyone deals with the effects of a torn relationship in their own respectable way. One thing is certain. Love hurts and pain is the way to growth.
The Result Of A Broken Relationship: Heartbreak
A once beautiful relationship starts to fall apart. People fight, they use harmful words, they avoid meaningful conversation, they hide their true feelings, they lie and lose touch with what they once had. This may result to cheating because they are too afraid to realize that the affair is long over and take necessary action to break up.
As a result, people go their separate ways, taking what they can from the relationship while trying to rebuild themselves back up and extract all that emotional strain. In brief, it is fair to mention a few of the most important causes that lead to a broken relationship:
- Unbalanced Roles
- No Connection
- Communication Problems
- Bad Sexual Intercourses
- No Time For Each Other
- Getting Comfortable
The Hidden Lessons
Undoubtedly, heartbreaks are tough. There are many parameters that can lead to a break up as listed above. There is nothing easy about losing somebody you love. While this is the case, the opposite is also true. If you can master the pain that comes with breaking up, then you are free to learn a lot from this past experience and become a better version of yourself.
- Maturity and Wisdom: With the end of a relationship comes questioning. What went wrong? Was it my fault? What could have been done better or was this what I really wanted? A long relationship bears fruits even after it’s finished, in the form of maturing and molding your character at the same time obtaining wisdom not only about yourself but for other people motives, actions, and beliefs.
- Learning things about yourself: The proper thing to do after a break up, no matter how hard it feels, is to stop whining and complaining. Distinguish faults and errors on your part. You need to subject yourself to the situation and see where you might have been wrong or where you could improve. It is the time to really question certain aspects of your character and try to improve on others. We are not designed to be perfect but we should always try to develop our personalities to the fullest of our abilities. Heartbreak is a great way to do that.
- Memories: The aftermath of a relationship is full of emotions. It’s full of memories as well. This includes happy, beautiful memories, memories that you cherish and in contrast, it includes memories that you want to forget forever. Don’t be quick to label your memories, but let them serve you as mentors. We need both good and bad times to hold us accountable and grounded. We realize that a good thing can turn into a bad thing fast. It is up to us and our partner to stir the ship towards the direction we want it to go. So stop describing memories as good or bad and let them be fragments of the past as well as future teachers.
- Learning what type of person you want to attract in your life: Nothing prepares you for the next relationship better than the last one. You will be making a favor to yourself by identifying the characteristics and personality virtues you want to find in your future partner. Learning from past experiences and developing your self is essential in order to attract the kind of person that is right for you.
- Courage to fall in love: While focusing on the benefits of a heartbreak, let’s remind ourselves that it takes great courage to fall in love. Nowadays people as so closed and afraid of opening up to somebody else. In truth, that’s really what they need. They are afraid of the burden and emotional strain that a relationship might cause. With that in mind, they resort into one night stands, faceless sex and empty conversations. They are not willing to master the bravery that is required to fall in and potentially out of love.
- You learn a lot about other people: Mistakenly people are not what we make them out to be when we are looking at them from a filtered perspective. Only after removing the emotional part out of an equation, you are able to look at things in a different light and in a more true, subjective way.
- Boundaries: An ”unsuccessful” relationship can teach you a lot about personal boundaries. While I believe that true love can be manifested where there are no boundaries, it is also proper to be realistic and accept that in most cases we may never find true love. For this reason, we ought to create boundaries, things we are willing to do and give to another human being without losing our identity and purpose. Examples are way too many of abusive relationships, people who have given up on themselves to serve and please their loved one. Understand that creating boundaries is not only to protect yourself from potential harm but to ensure the longevity of a relationship. You must build yourself up along with your partner and not the other way around where you are simply existing in another person’s life, setting aside your dreams, values, goals and tasks. True love partners build themselves up together.
- Trust is earned: This lesson can be applied generally to any relationship, and especially into a personal one. Being able to share things with a person is one thing, but entrusting them is another. Don’t be quick to trust somebody as they can walk out or leave you without a notice. Trust like respect is earned through bold actions. It should never be given as a gift.
- You are comfortable being alone: One thing your must learn after a relationship is the ability to be ok by yourself. You can’t resort to another person’s company just because you are too afraid of facing the silence. This is a weak person’s mindset. While going out, having fun, spending time with friends and family is advised you need to create time for yourself where you learn how to be comfortable being alone. Months or even years might pass until you find another good or great relationship. Until then you need to be able to handle and perfect the inner you.
“Until you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness.”
- You invest in yourself: As we approach the end I purposely chose to keep the best for last. The end of a relationship is the greatest time to invest in yourself. Buy and read new books, start a new hobby, make new friends and go out more. Exercise and take care of your body. Buy new clothes and try out a new style. Work harder and find time for yourself. Spend more time with your family. In addition, start writing and noting things you might be uncomfortable with or you want to change. Introspection is a gift to yourself firstly and to the people around you secondly. Understand that this lesson is one of the most important and as so it needs special attention. Invest in yourself, respect yourself, don’t let yourself down because if you do then others will do too.
- Love is not ownership: Last but not least the most important lesson that you can take after the end of a relationship is that Love is not ownership. In a time where we feel the need to control everything around us, we respectably must understand that the intentions and actions of another human being are not ours to manage. Love is freedom, freedom of expression, of authenticity, of being. If you are always jealous of your partner’s actions, if don’t respect his personal time, his hobbies or work, if you put your own insecurities above all else and let ill-will rule out sanity then my friend you do not love your partner, you just want to own him. Only after we realize that, we are able to love deeply and truly. Loving someone and being loved in return is the greatest thing that can happen to any of us. But this should never happen under terms but in the full expression of freedom, the freedom of wanting to be with someone else both in good and bad, in virtues and flaws.
Finding love is one of life’s hardest tasks. It’s also one of the greatest. But after you find it, you realize that it’s also easy to lose it.
Heartbreak is painful even to those too proud to admit it. You must diverse from labeling a relationship as good or bad and instead focus on the aftermath. Understand that by holding a firm and subjective position after the end of a relationship you can benefit greatly. But know this:
You must be courageous and willing to let go of who you are in order to become who you want to be. To work real hard, invest in yourself, and open your mind into new perspectives in order to attract people in your life that are authentic, positive and worth caring for. Don’t be quick to fall in love, as this is a sign of immaturity and short sightedness. Take your time, learn as many things as possible for a potential partner. Invest real time, don’t get comfortable and be willing to master the courage of being in a relationship that might end badly. Always remind yourself that it is ok and that you will be better next time. There’s also a chance that you won’t need a next time because the next great thing is just around the corner waiting for you to find it.
Follow the lessons written above, self-examine your past experiences not only from your point of view but from the outlook of others. Let go of character liabilities and focus on developing your virtues. Be realistic about your errors and bold about how you gonna turn them into merits . Don’t let a heartbreak be a dark experience, let it be a great lesson. Don’t be afraid of heartbreaks, be open as you can only grow stronger through them.